Your Furry Overlords

I hate my hooman

This is Mr. Kitten.

I hate my hooman.

She brushed my teef.

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This is Twitch:

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Hi eberybody,

To hearten all da humans going back to work today, me and Kitten maded this post about cats with jobs! They has all kinna jobs, from the regular ones to the fancy ones, but Chris say all kinna honest work is good. Chris say she has swept floors at work an she swept em really good, and I say why not for $65 an hour back when she a computer consultant and it was only for like 10 minutes, cause dey wanted to make the server room pretty for visiting execs and Chris try to keep it reals, but sometime no succeed so good cause she always gib that as example of her doing poopy job and so conveniently forget the *years* she work for $6 an hour, haha, now was poopy job, and anyway, she say she respect person with poopy job who does good job more than person with fancy job who do it poopy, and ---Ouch, Kitten, STOP BITING MY TAIL!

I'M OUT OF HERE!!!1

And take your run-on sentences with you. I'm Kitten.

Here we have Millie, who is a security guard at a toy warehouse. Her job is to catch mice and stand around having publicity shots taken of her.

photo credit: Metro.co.uk

Here is a candid shot of Millie breaking into a box as she prepares to steal and fence what appear to be some ThunderCats toys. I approve.

photo credit: Metro.co.uk

This is Larry, who works in the highest echelons of the British government as Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office.

photo source: wikipedia

And here is Tama, who was a Station Master for the Kishi train station in Japan until 2008 when she was promoted to Super Station Master. At that point she became the only female in a managerial position in the entire Wakayama Electric Railway company, which I find odd. I also find odd everything about the picture below, not least the stoned expression on Tama's face, although at least her inebriated condition somewhat explains her, shall we say, eccentric fashion choices.

photo source: wikipedia

Conclusion

I'm not sure how I feel about cats with jobs. On the plus side, it displays the awesomeness of cats in new and different ways. On the minus side, it fosters an unhealthy association between cats and work and thereby upsets the order of the Universe, which declares that humans are meant to serve cats, not the other way around.

Discuss among yourselves.

--Mr. Kitten

And here's a link to a page with more working cats.

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More cats detecting cancer

Hi! I Twitch, here another cat that diagnose cancer an her human's life!!!!1

photo: Daily Mail UK

OMG, she is so beautiful! I'm in lub!!! She was just a little kitten, only 8 weeks old, an she would always lie on her human's right boob. Or was it left? i no can keep left and right straight, but this cat, she kept em straight and she always lie on the one that had cancer!!!!!

And the human was so smart, the human pay attention, and told doctor an her doctor was smart too (Mr. Kitten say, "What are the chances?"), anyway, they both smart and they check it out, and they caughted the cancer! It happen!

Here is picture of human and heroine cat!!!!

Photo: Daily Mail UK

I read about all this stuff in the Daily Mail. It's from England. That's in Europe.

Oh yeah, there's this dog, and he can like diagnose colorectal cancel with 98% accuracy. No wonder dogs always sniffing butts. LOL! They're like doctors. Butt sniffing doctors. OMG. I reads about this in NPR.

Huhuh, Mr. Kitten wroted an article about nuther cat who diagnosed cancer, but he all kinda grumpy and stuff. LOLZ. He acts like he no like our human, but he totally CRAZY about our human. He so funny.

We lucky our human no has nuthing wrong with her except sometime she stop breathing when she sleep, but always watch and I halp her twice. First time, I pat her check. Next time I pat all ober her face and use my claws a lil bit. Haha. No, seriously, she need to stop that stoopy stuff. I not fooling around.

Anyway. Now she use CPAP and wear dis thing and she no stop breathing no more. Mr Kitten call her stoopy for going sleep without her CPAP those two time and he kinda right, but we loves her anyway. I just gotta be careful to watch her. Is okay, I not that busy.

EDIT: Oh, check it out. Here a 17 year old girl who maded some kinda neural network that can like diagnose breast cancer 99.1% of time. Wow. The colorectal dog, Dr. Butt Doctor, he only 98%. Wow. She kinda smart. She did it for the Google science fair. Here link.

Here her picture.

photo: MSN

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Essay by Mr. Kitten: Cats diagnose cancer

Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man.--Paul Gray

On the Affection vs. the Utility of a Cat

posted by Mr. Kitten

This cat diagnosed lung cancer
photo: Mike Drew, Sun Media

I am a serious cat.

Unlike Twitch, I no need show affections alla time. In fact, I don't has too much to do with our human. Usually, I just stare at her, judging her and finding her wanting. The only time I really need to be petted is when she is doing something that needs lotta concentration. Then I really, really, really need to be petted right now! OMG.

Now I tells you about Tiger, another rather undemonstrative cat. He didn't pay too much attention to his human. Here a quote:

"He's never had that much to do with me except to come over for a pet."

So he no pay much attention...except when human got lung cancer! Then Tiger rub along the human's side so much that human, Lional Adams, told his doctor. The doctor, showing uncommon sense, ordered tests and they found Lional's lung cancer. Here's a news story about dis hero cat.

Good doctor.

Anyway, as my human often says, "The purpose of a cat is to demonstrate that not all good things have a purpose."

However, this story shows that just because a cat isn't affectionate, doesn't mean he won't save your life someday.

Here's a post about cats with jobs.

Here's some nice quotes about cats.

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Zen Moment: Cleaning the Self-Cleaning Litterbox

I Cleaned the Cats' Self-Cleaning Litterbox

by Chris Hugh

...and I grew in wisdom. Here is what I learned:

1) It's best to just take off all your clothes if you're going to do this nasty job.

2) When the CatGenie manual says you should take the horrid bowl outside to hose it down, they speak with wisdom.

3) Sometimes life is a paradox. See #1 and #2

4) You know the expression "they think they're so great, their shit doesn't stink"? "They" are not cats.

5) Cleaning the CatGenie with a bunch of paper towels inside the bathroom isn't such a great idea.

6) Trying to flush the paper towels down the toilet is a worse idea.

7) Plunging the toilet naked and one-handed while holding a soggy bowl of plastic cat litter is even less fun than it sounds.

8) Mr. Kitten has been eating rubber bands.

I love this thing, but not right now. Photo credit: Amazon

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Special Rules for cats because cats rule!

Hi, this Twitch. My human went hiking in Palo Alto foothills. S

he an Rupert Hugh dribe and dribe and dribe and it all twisty and stuff and she say she almost throw up. LOL. Hairballs rule! She seem human, but she a cat. That why I like her so much.

Anyway, she tooked some pictures for me and show them to me, here is one:

That's right. No goggies! Not only that, but cats are pacifically allowed. There even special rules on how you supposed to act around cats and it draw pictures too in case you no read as good as me.

Lookie:

I makes it bigger and add my own stuffs to it. Here what you supposed to do. If you encounters a mountain pussy cat, you sposed to:

Haha, cats rule.

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Cat's Eye Digicam: a story by the Anchorite

Cat's Eye Digicam

a story by the Anchorite

Mr. Kitten did not know his true birthday, so he and his human established the tradition to celebrate it on the date that she adopted him from the shelter. That tradition worked for Mr. Kitten as he contentedly received generous gifts every year, while he repaid his human’s kindness with several gifts of his own. She especially loved the dead birds and occasional mice.

This year, Mr. Kitten wanted a camera because he wanted to become a photographer. He did not want just any camera, but the top-of-the-line Cat’s Eye Digicam with the sharpest image resolution and largest memory capacity on the market. Mr. Kitten never accepted anything less than the best.

His human unfortunately lost her job a scant week before celebrating Mr. Kitten’s birthday. She panicked and considered foregoing the lavish gift to save money, but she valued her cat’s happiness and still purchased the camera despite facing an uncertain financial future. Mr. Kitten appreciated the gesture as he happily took photos that he posted on his blog.

His human had to tighten her belt as she had to provide for herself and her cats with a limited supply of severance and unemployment checks, so she cut the food budget and fed Mr. Kitten lower quality cat food than what he normally ate. Mr. Kitten would have previously refused to eat such inferior swill, but he saw his human hurting and realized the sacrifice that she made to feed him that much. He wrinkled his nose and begrudgingly ate the cheap cat food. In the back of his mind, he vowed to find a way to apply his photography skills to his help out his human.

Mr. Kitten saw her come home day after day in exhausted tears after an endless parade of failed job interviews with countless doors slammed in her face. Mr. Kitten’s close friend Twitch offhandedly suggested that her luck could not be this bad. Mr. Kitten pondered that notion as he thought that despite his often questionable ideas, even a broken clock was right twice a day. Mr. Kitten suggested investigating these prospective employers with his camera in tow. Twitch insisted that he should go out in the field because it was his idea. Mr. Kitten suspected that Twitch just wanted an excuse to play with the camera, but he allowed his friend to take the camera as he trailed their human’s job search. Twitch returned with the camera’s memory filled entirely with black screens because he forgot to open the shutter. Mr. Kitten rolled his eyes, snatched the Cat’s Eye Digicam from Twitch, and then bit his tail to send him running away.

Mr. Kitten followed his human on her job interviews, often sneaking out during his own lunch hour and taking extended breaks from his own job. His efforts led to prolonged absences and diminished performance that caught the attention of his supervisor Anton Fitzgibbon. The Chaircat of the Internetz called Kitten into his office with a gruff bellow and demanded an explanation. Anton listened with impassive silence as Mr. Kitten explained his situation. The Chaircat recently opened his heart to a human’s love after many years spent alone, so Mr. Kitten’s story gained his sympathy. Anton immediately granted Mr. Kitten an extended leave of absence with full pay, placed the Internetz A/V department at his disposal, provided a discretionary expense account, and even placed Warrior Cat on retainer for any potential wetwork. Mr. Kitten thanked his boss and set out on his mission, feeling slightly remorseful for the “Ditzy Fitzy” graffiti and crude caricatures that he scrawled throughout the office.

Mr. Kitten’s keen eye and high-resolution photos uncovered deliberate efforts from crooked employers to keep his human unemployed as they gouged their own clients. Mr. Kitten frowned as he thought that no matter how strict or uptight Anton behaved, albeit less so after adoption by his new human, he ran his business with honor and integrity. Mr. Kitten eagerly took photos and anonymously sent them to these bad humans, urging them to reconsider their hiring decisions if they wanted these incriminating photos to disappear.

Twitch (with Mr. Kitten's butt in background)

Back at home, his human barely held back tears of joys as rejections turned into offers. Before she knew it, she found herself in the position of having to choose between competing prospects who practically begged for attention. She finally accepted a generous offer where she had a private office and no dysfunctional crazies to drive her mad at work. Mr. Kitten and Twitch once again enjoyed premium cat food and repaid their human’s kindness by dragging a raccoon corpse into the house. Mr. Kitten knew that she would be happy after seeing the size of this dead creature.

Twitch begged Mr. Kitten to borrow the Cat’s Eye Digicam now that he completed his mission, but Mr. Kitten had a better idea. Mr. Kitten kept a list of every job interview of their human’s job search, so he sent Twitch on a mission to visit every one of those shady employers that rejected their human, barf on their shoes, leave hairballs on their floors, and take high-resolution digital photographs of each one. Twitch excitedly set out on his own mission. Mr. Kitten warned him to not get any barf on his precious camera or else he would bite Twitch’s tail so hard that he would beg for Warrior Cat to put him out of his misery. Twitch told him to relax and not worry about anything, which did not reassure him in the slightest and instead gave Mr. Kitten a new perspective on all the times he made similar promises to Anton Fitzgibbon.

Before Twitch departed, their human hugged and kissed both cats. She radiated happiness at once again securing gainful employment and told her beloved pets, “Who says black cats are bad luck?”

Photo credit: Twitch McLaughlin

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